What some research says about ADHD and overreacting
Posted Jun 05, 2015
Family members and therapists who work with those with ADHD
have long noticed a tendency for those with ADHD to over-react to
what’s going on around them – both in the positive and in the negative.
In addition, responding more quickly or impulsively than those without
ADHD is likely, as well.
This over-reaction catches partners by surprise (‘Wow, what was
THAT?!’) and can make living with a partner with ADHD difficult – a
non-ADHD or ‘other ADHD’ partner can feel unprepared for emotional
responses that seem out of proportion to what is happening at the
moment. Over time, the emotionality of ADHD partners can lead to
wariness, or even loss of respect, in primary relationships.
Consistency of over-reaction to events makes partners wonder why their
ADHD partner can’t just ‘grow up and settled down.’
Research done in 2013 by Merwood and colleagues (link is external)
with a large sample of twins, suggests that these strong and fast
emotional responses (called ‘emotional lability’) are actually a
genetically linked core characteristic of ADHD. Further, the intensity
of the emotional lability increases with age. The implications of this
for couples are:
Emotional lability (and particularly quick moves to hurtful anger) should be considered ADHD symptomatic behavior, and set as a target symptom for treatment and attention with your physician
Non-ADHD and other-ADHD partners who are surprised by the emotionality of their ADHD partner are not alone. Understanding
that it’s the ADHD, and not just that your partner is a ‘mean’ or
uncontrollable person, can help partners implement appropriate and
supportive responses to emotional outbursts. Knowing that many with
this issue can calm their emotional lability can help provide hope for
an easier future together.
ADHD partners should look carefully at their own behaviors as a
symptom, rather than response to outside environmental issues (for
example, it’s not just a response to a partner’s nagging or critique.)
Symptomatic behaviors can often be managed when you have ADHD and, in
fact, there is ample clinical experience to suggest there are multiple
methods for managing emotional outbursts. Some of the best include:
Mindfulness training –
becoming more aware of what is happening in the moment can also help
adults with ADHD ‘self-monitor’ and self-soothe before the emotions take
over
Management through medication
– some medications can specifically be used to target quick tempers.
The anti-depressant Wellbutrin, for example, may be one option.
Medications that provide a few moments of thought before impulsive action fit into this category.
Exercise and stress management –
emotional explosions are more likely when those with ADHD are under
significant stress, which has the effect of increasing the expression of
ADHD symptoms, including emotional lability. Regular exercise is an
anti-stress ‘prescription’ for all.
The use of verbal cues with your partner – there
are times when a person with ADHD can feel that they are getting
‘triggered’ by something emotional. Setting up verbal cues with your
partner to allow you to walk away from a conversation before you blow up
can be an effective strategy for managing emotional lability at least
some of the time.
So, when you have ADHD, do you sometimes or often overreact?
Chances are good that the answer to that question is ‘yes.’ But if this
is causing problems for you at home or at work, there are ways you can
effectively manage your emotions that can improve your situation.
This over-reaction catches partners by surprise (‘Wow, what was THAT?!’) and can make living with a partner with ADHD difficult – a non-ADHD or ‘other ADHD’ partner can feel unprepared for emotional responses that seem out of proportion to what is happening at the moment. Over time, the emotionality of ADHD partners can lead to wariness, or even loss of respect, in primary relationships. Consistency of over-reaction to events makes partners wonder why their ADHD partner can’t just ‘grow up and settled down.’
Research done in 2013 by Merwood and colleagues (link is external) with a large sample of twins, suggests that these strong and fast emotional responses (called ‘emotional lability’) are actually a genetically linked core characteristic of ADHD. Further, the intensity of the emotional lability increases with age. The implications of this for couples are:
Link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/may-i-have-your-attention/201506/emotionality-core-characteristic-adhd